All the souvenirs
In my memories
Got me ruining my soul ..
Got me ruining my soul ..
I reckon I burn my mouth about twice a week. I'm a fucking idiot. Last night I did it twice. First on Chinese food, then on a kebab (I'm really healthy). It's a pretty annoying trait, as other people around me will be eating piping hot stuff, and I know I'm gonna get burned, but I don't want to sit there and look a tit so I eat it to try and prove how manly I am, and then my mouth is scorched.
I honestly do this on a regular basis. And all of a sudden, in the aftermath, my wise inner self kicks in to scold me. "Whoa! Burned the mouth, huh?" And sadly I reply to my inner self "Yes. Again." And then my inner self lays down the law. "Stop eating such hot food. You are obviously a dick and can't handle your food temperature."
We were in Huddersfield last night, which is where most of the mouth-burning took place. I'm also unnecessarily knackered today because we did a 9 mile trek home through the countryside in the small hours of the morning, as opposed to taking the road route and cutting out about 2 hours. Courtesy of Alex Johnson.
This boy's sense of direction is rubbish.
I was in a pub toilet last night, and there was a magazine on the floor which piqued my curiosity. I forget which one it was, something like OK or Hello! but even shitter. A lot of the content and headlines got me thinking though. If I'd had less to drink, I could have given you the real content and probably remembered a lot more important facts, but I can't, so you'll have to use your imagination.
The front page was about a celebrity - my gut feeling tells me it was Kate Winslet, but I can't be sure - with a picture of a young boy, with a headline something like 'giving kids a normal life amongst fame - exclusive'. I can't remember.
Interestingly though, it seems phase 1 of giving your famous-by-association child a normal life is by having their face plastered across the front of a national publication. Smart move. If this poor kid continues down the route of many before him, it'll be a case of 'lets remove any hint of normalcy from this child's life so that 30 years from now they can write a heartfelt autobiography showcasing the achievements of their now frail and incompetent parent(s).'
Oh, the joys of fame.
But, the magazine got even better! Further on there was the agony aunt section, with some classics. The message that I remember was from some girl somewhere in the world, to the effect of 'my boyfriend wants me to give him oral sex, but I don't like doing it. He says this shows I don't love him. What should I do?'.
The response was naturally pretty logical. You know the ones - you are your own woman, no-one can tell you what you should or shouldn't do. I thought that was a nice sentiment. And then, over the page, an article to the tune of '10 ways to suck off your man so he'll never leave you'. Classic.
I honestly do this on a regular basis. And all of a sudden, in the aftermath, my wise inner self kicks in to scold me. "Whoa! Burned the mouth, huh?" And sadly I reply to my inner self "Yes. Again." And then my inner self lays down the law. "Stop eating such hot food. You are obviously a dick and can't handle your food temperature."
We were in Huddersfield last night, which is where most of the mouth-burning took place. I'm also unnecessarily knackered today because we did a 9 mile trek home through the countryside in the small hours of the morning, as opposed to taking the road route and cutting out about 2 hours. Courtesy of Alex Johnson.
This boy's sense of direction is rubbish.I was in a pub toilet last night, and there was a magazine on the floor which piqued my curiosity. I forget which one it was, something like OK or Hello! but even shitter. A lot of the content and headlines got me thinking though. If I'd had less to drink, I could have given you the real content and probably remembered a lot more important facts, but I can't, so you'll have to use your imagination.
The front page was about a celebrity - my gut feeling tells me it was Kate Winslet, but I can't be sure - with a picture of a young boy, with a headline something like 'giving kids a normal life amongst fame - exclusive'. I can't remember.
Interestingly though, it seems phase 1 of giving your famous-by-association child a normal life is by having their face plastered across the front of a national publication. Smart move. If this poor kid continues down the route of many before him, it'll be a case of 'lets remove any hint of normalcy from this child's life so that 30 years from now they can write a heartfelt autobiography showcasing the achievements of their now frail and incompetent parent(s).'
Oh, the joys of fame.
But, the magazine got even better! Further on there was the agony aunt section, with some classics. The message that I remember was from some girl somewhere in the world, to the effect of 'my boyfriend wants me to give him oral sex, but I don't like doing it. He says this shows I don't love him. What should I do?'.
The response was naturally pretty logical. You know the ones - you are your own woman, no-one can tell you what you should or shouldn't do. I thought that was a nice sentiment. And then, over the page, an article to the tune of '10 ways to suck off your man so he'll never leave you'. Classic.
