Birds singin' in the sycamore trees,
Dream a little dream of me ..
It's been brought to my attention that a fair few people read this occasionally and there are some things I say which apparently I should have held back on, lest people see me in a new, frightening light. Since freedom of speech is still a liberty in its own right, the only viable alternative would be to start a new, super secret blog with one of those "offensive material" disclaimers, in which to share all the things that people don't like here.
Couples can be incredibly annoying, right? Annoying couples seem to be far more abundant in Huddersfield than in Leeds. People who feel the need to do absurd couple stuff in public suck. I think we can make 3 distinct categories, most of which can be seen around McDonalds and Poundland in Huddersfield.
1. The "let's make out in public so people can learn from us" couple - probably the most annoying of the three, usually 16 year olds at Greenhead college. They kiss excessively, feeling each other up, to affirm just how in love they are. Please, cut out your tongues so I can put my cigarette out on them.
2. The "we replace each others names with 'baby' or 'sweety'" couple - "Baby, we bought the wrong one", "Well then baby, let's go and take it back" "Aw baby, but then I have to go back to the shop" "It's alright sweety, I'll come with you."
Baby, for the love of everyone who isn't you, shut the fuck up. Obsessive use of baby isn't cute, it's just irritating.
3. The "we're fighting in public but you're not meant to notice" couple - I'd just come out of waterstones in Huddersfield the other day and I heard the line "fuck you and that skanky bitch whore". Now call me Curious George, but hearing the words fuck, skanky, whore and bitch all in the same sentence does just pique my curiosity.
And I glanced at them as I walked past to try and catch a look at the happy pair, and the speaker, some scary looking chav-hag, politely asks if I want to "mind my own fucking business". Mind my own business? Listen up Peggy Sue, last I checked Jeremy Kyle wasn't staging a fucking drop-in session on Huddersfield high street. Do it in the privacy of your own insanity.
It's christmas eve tomorrow, so I'm gonna take this opportunity to wish everyone a happy christmas. I hope you get everything you asked for and wake up with a happy hangover.
