Chicken broth.

Bird of Prey ..

Flying High ..
In the summer sky ..

Hot damn, I'm tired.

I've just finished a horrifically busy 10 hour shift, what with it being bank holiday and all. I like to think that a stressful weekend is God's way of telling me that by working my arse off today, then my wednesday exam and hours and hours of flying on thursday will be somewhat less painful.

And since I don't often do this on here, I'll mention something really fucking gross. In the gents toilets today, someone had made a weird kind of chicken broth poo in one of the bogs without flushing it AND left pubes on the seat. Presumably he tore them out in horror after seeing what he'd produced.

I shall leave that one there.

North Korea is looking posed to give its nuclear weapons their first run against South Korea, after it was revealed that a South Korean warship was sunk by a North Korean torpedo. What was the benefit of that move, Kim Jong-Il, you pretentious fucking moron?

I'm so ronery

Now there are near enough 1 million troops on alert at the border, and the North's batshit insane dictator who reminds me oh so much occasionally of my own boss seems set to press the button and send the warheads skyward. I imagine the US army is formulating some very 'diplomatic' plans to resolve this one.

In lighter news, this year's Honley Show has rabbit jumping! Yeah! Like horse jumping, but with a rabbit on a leash! Woo! Enough to raise such questions as "what the hell is wrong with this country?"!

The World asks 'Why?'

I'm watching a film now called 'The Visitor' which is one of those slow-moving, uplifting ones which are meant to incur some feeling of hope, but this one's actually pretty good. It's a bit of a detour from my usual filmic palate, but apparently I have a penchant for slow films about budding relationships between aging middle-class American lecturers and illegal immigrants in post 9-11 New York. Who'd have thunk it?

Now there's a film on called 'Corky Romano', which looks like it's from the other end of the spectrum. Its really crap. Like chickeny broth.

Procrastination

I don't want to waste my time
become another casualty of society.
I'll never fall in line ..

I feel that, what with the decline of the sunny weather and my upcoming exam, a productive way of spending time would be sitting in my living room in a den made of sofas and blankets.

I shall now test this theory.

Barbecues, Japan and offensive coins.

How many roads must a man walk down
Before they call him a man?
How many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?

What a lot of things have happened this week. One seems to get a lot more done when you aren't being nocturnal; there are a suspicious amount of daylight hours with which to work, which is nice.

Well, all the essays have been handed in, leaving only one exam on the 2nd June. These pesky elective courses are more work than all the German combined.

The weather is outdoing itself at the moment, which means that the shorts and sandals have been broken out for use, and sainsburys is running out of disposable barbecues. It's worth mentioning that I've had two pretty epic barbecues recently, one courtesy of all the folks studying German (credit to Dave for being a great host) and the other one with the old flatmates who I sadly don't see a great deal of recently.

To them I say only this: Sam, we still have each others sunglasses; Pye, good luck with your work related carryonsky and I love your face; Alia, I hope to God you didn't get raped by the giant black man who asked you about Tequila.

Before I forget, I'll let you all know that I'm going to Japan for a bit. I guess it's best to put it here on a public domain seeing as I've been getting a lot of stick about it recently, to the tune of "Why have you not said anything about this venture of yours before, Max?". Sue me you ingrates! I don't have to explain my exotic travelling schedule to the likes of you!

But seriously, it just never came up in conversation.

I had an interesting train experience the other day, in which I missed Huddersfield on my way home (ironically, the only time when I was disappointed that I had done) and was woken up by the sound of a plane and an automated voice telling me that I was at manchester airport. If I'd had a bit of cash and a little more time I might have been tempted to hop on the next flight and see where the world took me, but this wasn't the case, and I was left with less of a feeling of 'potential freedom' than 'Oh balls, I'm meant to be at work'.

But the day was not entirely fruitless as I ultimately got to experience a Russian wedding at work, which was a bit fucking weird by all counts. But they didn't drink any vodka which leads me to believe they weren't actually Russian.

Oh, and I also found a 10p with 'tits' written on it.

It's kind of ambiguous actually, maybe the person writing it was in a hurry. It might say 'tit 5' for all I know.

This coin has made me much happier than it probably should have done, but what with all the other less entertaining coins in my wallet, this qualifies as a very special one. I'm debating whether or not to spend it and pass the legacy on.

Return to Ev.

And this house just ain't no home,
Anytime she goes away ..

Panini.

Hot Chocolate.

Coffee Ev.

Life is perfect.

3 and a half down.

Saturday I'm running wild,
And all the lights are changing red to green,
Moving through the crowd I'm pushing,
Chemicals all rushing through my bloodstream ..

It is 6:58am. As of today, which I think is wednesday, I am officially nocturnal.

I put my nocturnality-ness down to a massive lack of motivation during the day, whereas the night is dull and has less distractions, or so I hoped.

I've actually got a hell of a lot done, but what with the internet and all its tempting wondrous, the allure of work isn't always the one that wins. In the past 12 hours I've written 1 and a half essays, alongside watching Never Mind the Buzzcocks on youtube and drawing a nice picture of the hyenas from The Lion King in Paint, which I'm quite proud of.

I also re-discovered David Gray, who is occasionally depressing but always easy listening, explaining this morning's intro lyrics. But the man pales in comparison to a comedy great who I've also rekindled my love for recently and would like to share this work of his with you - even if you've heard it listen to it again. If it's a new one for you, give it a go. It's just beautiful



The intro bits pretty funny, but if you're impatient for the actual song as you should be after hearing it once, then it kicks in at 1:15

Peace and Love.

Library open 8am to 2am.

When the road looks rough ahead,
And you're miles and miles from your nice warm bed,
Just remember what your old pal said,
Boy, you've got a friend in me ..

I'm in that really balls transitional period between finishing lectures and seminars and sifting through a pinch of reading, a sprinkling of revision and a shitload of essay.

This week I am finishing off a combined total of 12,000 words spread across 4 essays (well, 5, but one's only 500 words so it doesn't really count) which means I am going to be holed up in my room like a GIANT RECLUSIVE UNSOCIABLE BASTARD. On the plus side, I can now bore you to shitting tears by telling you all about every conceivable IQ test ever created and how they ultimately aren't effective. This essay has cost me sleep and good moods.


Do drop by, your distraction will be most appreciated. For maximum effect, turn up unannounced.

The last politics-related one.

Nants ingonyama Bagithi Baba ..

Sithu uhm ingonyama ..

For those of you not in the know, that's the opening song to the Lion King, which some kind person taught me the words to at primary school. I still bum it to this day.


I sat til 6 o'clock this morning watching the live feed about the election. If I'd known that the answer they were tentatively giving about a hung parliament would turn out to be the actual answer, I'd probably have gone to bed a long time before.

So, presumably because a shitload of people didn't get to vote, the Tories have gained more seats than the others, but not quite enough for a majority. It's looking like Cameron will form a minority government, as Clegg doesn't seem to want to form a coalition with Labour, which is a big shame.

Sadly, a Labour-Lib Dem pact still wouldn't form a majority government, again a bit of a sad development. As we heard in the debates, Gordon 'agrees with Nick' which might have meant some policies would be passed this year. And a Labour-Tory pact is never gonna happen, lets face it. The only chance of the formation of a majority government is a Tory-Lib Dem pact - I believe Cameron's already extended the offer to Clegg. If this happens, then Clegg will be able to push for electoral reform, one of the Lib-Dem's core goals, and which is badly needed after this years voting shambles.


Credit to David Dimbleby, who made it through the entire night, which must have got pretty fucking boring, and as always to Jeremy Paxman who administered some of his righteous verbal smackdown and slaughtered everyone like the BBC's own Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I wouldn't want to be an MP. Or the prime minister, it looks stressful. Watching them all flapping around answering questions on important stuff and having to take in all that moaning from people. Must get annoying. Sure, they're all a bit corrupt, but whenever I think my day's going a bit crap, I imagine Gordon Brown trying to solve huge lists of deficit fuck-ups and I feel a bit better. That, or I watch that video of the monkey scratching its arse then sniffing it and falling out of its tree.


Oh and Lembit Opik lost his seat. He lost his seat AND got dumped by one of the cheeky girls. What a balls turnout for the Lib-Dems.

"Yes, you could say I have a name like a Scandinavian boy band".

Nick Clegg for pope.

You better keep movin',

Or you'll be left behind ..

Today is officially thursday, which means that at some point in the next 20 hours we'll be casting votes. A lot of people around me are still undecided about their choice, which gives me this time now to encourage them not to let Dave and his army of toffs win, please?

Naturally there's been a great deal of political activity of late and politicians are doing some crazy stuff, some of it beneficial, some a bit poorly thought-through, but today - dare I say it - my praise goes to a BNP candidate who attacked some guys who spat at him while he was out canvassing. Now, I'm all against what the BNP stand for, and beating the crap out of asian guys rarely makes my daily agenda, but seriously, hats off to this bloke. Their policies may be highly questionable, but you gotta admire the violent passion. That was nearly as cool as seeing John Prescott punch the guy who egged him.

Find it on YouTube. You will never see a faster left hook than this one.

It dearly makes me wish Gordon Brown had just given his infamous 'bigot' woman a few seconds silence and a deadpan stare before face-planting her into the bonnet of his car. I find something really liberating about seeing politicians get angry after being provoked, and today, oddly, its the BNP who have my praise. Just beautiful.


And now I guess I'll sit back and wait for the torrent of 'omg u support bnp??' bullshit that I get whenever I make a point like this. Anyone pedantic enough to be offended, sue me.


Oh yeah, and Nick Clegg for pope.

Another vaguely political one

The city lights, the pretty lights,

they can warm the coldest nights,
all the people going places,
smiling with electric faces ..

And lo, he returned like the Messiah to address the masses.

And the people did gather at a place they called Birmingham

And he had a message for them, and it was this: That the one they call Gordon Brown had been a failure, and the one known as Dave Cameron was a smarmy tit.

And then he spoke cheerily to his disciples at the Lib-Dem party conference.

And we saw that it was good.

And then he was gone.


Yup, final leaders debate was the other day, with Clegg back on top form, though with Gordon Brown not far behind I reckoned. But, I think we all know now that Labour has lost a wheel and can't find a spare tyre after Gordon Brown's recent cock-up with that woman in Rochdale, an event they're now wittily branding 'Bigotgate', which sounds more like a Teesside shopping centre than a political scandal.

I feel sorry for the poor bloke; he's not the first, nor will he be the last politician to be caught out by a microphone left on. You may have seen him doing a radio apology afterwards, which if you haven't seen, is painful to watch. Brown goes through the whole 'it was a misunderstanding' bit very well, and then Jeremy Vine comes in with something like "I've just been handed the audio from that day, shall we listen?". And as they play it, Brown just slumps back in the seat for a second in a way that just moans 'Oh, fuck'. And then he slumps forward with his head in his hands. Poor bloke.

"No, I was misunderstood. What I meant was 'fuck off and see if you can fix immigration problems, you stupid woman'."

So yeah, fun times for all.

Other recent updates; those of you who know me on facebook may have seen this: the news that Phillipa Stroud, some woman who's responsible for a load of current Tory policies has been running weird, strangely American-esque evangelical church services to 'cure' gay people, driving out their 'inner demons' in the name of Jesus. What a bitch. What a fucking nazi. That may as well be a BNP policy.

In other Conservative happenings, there are possibilities that future students studying scientific subjects such as medicine at University could face fees of £6-14,000 per year. Given that Medicine and other science courses last round about 6 years or so, that's looking at a leaving debt of £36,000 at the least. Good plan, in the midst of Britain facing a shortage of doctors and nurses. But who can afford this masterplan, we ask? Why, it's the Tories, and any suck-ups they've drawn in from along the way. Here's looking at you Oxford.

What a pisstake.

Now I simply must be off to ask mother if I can have another pony, and if father can spare me another grand for my gap yah.






Did I mention I'm not voting Conservative on Thursday?

"Talk to the hands, baby. I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am."