Capture the flag

Windmill windmill for the land,

Turn forever in your hand,

Take it all on in your stride,

It is sticking, falling down ..

Last night was certainly a contender for one of the best birthday nights out ever attended. In an awesome contrast to drinking and going out somewhere, 40-50 people turned up in leeds city centre to play real-life Capture The Flag, spanning from Park Row, the road leading up from the station, all the way to Vicar Lane where the market is, with a 'no man's land' by W H Smiths on Albion street. We divided into two teams, red and blue, all with respective headbands, placed our flags and played.

Apart from reminding me how unfit I am, it also made me realise, 1. the camaraderie aspect thing that makes people join gangs and, 2. these situations really do cultivate Lord-of-the-Flies style leadership struggles, where you see people really getting into it and emerging as the most charismatic or whatever. We scared and impressed a fair few bystanders while legging out through the streets in matching headbands screaming Spartan-esque war chants, but it was well worth it.

The only negative bits were when the fastest guy on blue team went full pelt into a lamppost and twatted his face on it right at the end of the last game, which was scary for 5 minutes but he turned out to to be ok (we called out an ambulance just to be sure) and about 45 minutes into the first game when some chavs nicked the red flag, which said a great deal about our defenders.

Nights results: 1 broken shoe, 1 knackered foot, 1 massive adrenaline rush.

All that, and we made it in time for last orders at the Union.

Fassblocked

Boy you got my heartbeat runnin' away,

Beating like a drum and it's comin' your way ..

The right people will understand that.

I watched X Men: First Class yesterday and was rightfully impressed. We fancied ourselves a night in with a film, and Dan had just bought that one, so we picked up some strong strong cider and had a quiet tipsy one. I know for certain that it was a tipsy one because my memory of the film becomes hazier around the two-thirds mark. We had a laugh over the guy who can create whirlwinds (kind of like a shit version of Storm from the previous films) who we nicknamed 'Captain Wind', which I now realise is pretty crap when both typed and sober.

I also attribute the invention of other new phrases such as "Fassblocked" to the alcohol. 'Fassblocked' is again probably only best in the context of 10 seconds or so of First Class and is an amalgamation of 'cockblocked' and 'Michael Fassbender'. Cockblocked by Michael Fassbender: Fassblocked. Nobody likes being cockblocked, but if I were to be cockblocked, I'd let it slip if it were Michael Fassbender.

While on topic, Hollywood filmmakers should have a betting pool on who will be the first to make a film with a language that Michael Fassbender can't speak fluently.



"I was occupied jacking off while her camera perished"

You want me to come over, I got an excuse,

Might be holding your hand but I'm holding it loose,

Go to talk, then we choke, it's like our necks in a noose,

Avoid the obvious, we should be facing the truth ..

Just been perusing my traffic sources for the week and came across a great sounding website, dailystrength.org. As usual it has no link whatsoever to my blog per se, it's just a kind of 'referral' website. So, spam. This particular website was where people upload queries or just entries like this one for public viewing. I'd like to thank whichever spam programme linked the following page to my blog somehow. This is copied and pasted.

"Wifebucket

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Some help it become a Sunday habit to attend church, but mine is usually to watch my favourite pornstar site wifebucket. This is the sole time I can certainly appreciate my top pornstar gal because during the weekdays, I am typically tired from perform. On Saturdays, my friends go out at our location. Every Sunday my flatmates head over to their families that's why is it doesn't best time for me to do anything I want. I am the King from the TV that day which enable it to watch as a lot of pornstar clips as i want.

I love seeing girl to girl action that's why I managed to get a huge assortment of lesbian pornstar movies which features my personal top five lesbian pornstar Sunny Leone, Kimberly Kane, Stormy Daniels, Jana Cova as well as Aria Giovanni. Damn, these chicks really realize how to eat each other out and in addition they got some wild moves that will only be welcomed in a lesbian adult porn.

My friend also let me use his computer well, i get to include my cybersex immediately after my porn treatment. pornstar gall had a difficult time watching girls in cam that's why I went to a porn site. There was that pornstar gal that we chatted with and showed me the woman's best bits. I was occupied jacking off while her camera perished. She told me I want to put in our debit card details correctly to continue in order to verify my get older. Fuck, since I was so horny Used to do that right out then continued masturbating. She started eradicate her pussy whilst licking her tits. I was going to cum when her camera turned off again and won't wide open anymore. Oh fuck! I got cheated! They charged my own debit card devoid of me knowing it now I am penniless along with got blue projectiles. After, that incident I never did another cybersex with virtually any pornstar again. I'll just should find horny girls who'd give me a free show."

Wow.

I'm still trying to work out which bits are my favourites.

"that's why is it doesn't best time for me to do anything I want". I imagine this was grammatically correct in his head.

"She started eradicate her pussy". e·rad·i·cate [ih-rad-i-keyt] - 'to remove or destroy utterly'. I accept there's a lot of slang involved in porn and exaggeration can probably work if you do it right, but fucking hell, I don't think anyone's ever used "eradicate" in this context before.

"I am penniless along with blue projectiles". This has to be my favourite.

Underneath this there's a little box whereby one can rate whatever entry/query they've just read; options left to right are: "Inspirational - Moving - Helpful - Creative". If I were a member, I'd give it all four. "In order to verify my get older" is the most creative thing I've read all day. And it's pretty helpful in the sense that young people everywhere are now aware that porn sites aren't always honest. Even if you put in your credit card details, that webcam session might still "perish".

And boy, if an anecdote about skipping church to jack off to porn on your mate's laptop, only to be tricked into paying by the pussy-eradicating harlot isn't both moving and inspirational, I don't know what is.

Gay reality shows and cops who are secretly burglars

And in a pipe we fly to the Motherland,

Or sell love to another man,

It's too cold outside,

For angels to fly ..

I've still never actually listened to Ed Sheeran, despite his burgeoning gingery success. I also live with his cousin. Just sayin'.

There's a new reality show on E4 called Playing it Straight. The premise is that 11 guys and 1 girl live together in a house in Spain and all the guys do datey things and various challenges, potentially leading up to the girl choosing one of them. One guy is asked to leave every week. Now, the twist: Some of the guys are gay. But, neither we or the girl know exactly which of the guys prefer cock until she chooses to vote them off.

If she ultimately ends up with one of the straight guys, each of them win 25 grand. But, if she pulls one of the gays, he wins the entire 50,000. So if the gays want to win, they have to masculine the fuck up and pretend they like women, hence "playing it straight". We all agreed that any gay bloke worth his salt would live up to the sensitive stereotype and share the cash, if that were the case.

This programme pretty much confirms E4's rising status as a BBC3-esque trial area, where shows with the shittest premise are aired to just kinda test the water. My suggestion for this programme would have been to make all the guys gay, and the girl a lesbian. Then they could have marketed it as a "breaking down stereotypes and prejudices" programme, as opposed to the watchable crap it is at the moment. I can feasibly see it becoming a new monday night ritual.

Depressingly this has been a highlight of a pretty boring day. I handed in all my essays, which didn't actually incur as much "thank god thats out of the way" feeling that I'd hoped for, especially after the woman made me re-write all my hand-in slips because they were in pencil. She was probably just bitter that she'd been assigned to bitch-duty on essay deadline day. Then I went home, had a nap and drew a picture of my housemate shooting a zombie.

Me and Kellie also saw what looked like a bunch of cops loading up their van with stuff they'd just burgled from a house. It hardly looks like an investigation when the police are carrying out car seats and what looked like a washing machine and then driving off with them. They definitely saw us watching them, but they probably figured "fuck it, we're cops". The van also had a broken tail-light, which only added to our theory that something was amiss. We'll give them the benefit of the doubt for the time being, but if the house is reported as burgled in the next few days, and the police mysteriously have no leads, I'll be pretty certain that tonight we witnessed the perfect crime.

Upcoming films

Seagulls sing your hearts away

Cause while the sinners sin, the children play ..

I finished my essays!

And just for the sake of convenience, the university printer network has decided to go on the fritz the morning of the hand in day. Some among you would call this karma, that is, churning out essays in zero hour instead of spending meticulous time and care and then being unable to print it. What a pedantic little twat karma is.

I was talking to Dan earlier about upcoming films this year. I have a lot of confidence in 2012 as far as films go, but it still feels kinda weird that it's actually 2012 in that respect; I've watched so many trailers and read so much stuff about films that are gonna be released at some point this year, which at the time felt like ages away but now its actually here. Its a good feeling.

In no particular order:

• The Dark Knight Rises
• War Horse
• The Avengers
• The Hobbit
• Halo: Faith
• The Amazing Spider-Man
• Brave
• The Expendables 2
• The Dictator

What I will warn against, oddly, is watching too many trailers. A surprisingly retarded amount of major plot details are leaked, far more so I reckon than used to be. Even saying stuff like "and the surprise ending will really take you by surprise!" is stupid. If you tell me the ending is gonna be a surprise, I'm gonna spend the whole film trying to predict it, like in The Sixth Sense. "The kid is the only living one! No, wait .. everyone's dead! No, wrong again! Bruce Willis is dead! And that woman is actually a guy!"

The other annoying thing is biased critic reviews. Noit biased in the sense that they loved a film whereas I thought it was shit, rather the kind of semi-corrupt media ownership aspect. People like Roger Ebert, who got special favours like a one-on-one interview with George Lucas after Phantom Menace came out. I think he still gets paid off by Disney as well. See if you can find a negative review of a Disney film from Roger Ebert. His review of Up was basically just him wanking onto a balloon.

officially 2012

We two have run about the slopes,

And picked the daisies fine,

But we've wandered many a weary foot

Since Auld Lang Syne ..

2012 is the first year that I feel comfortable calling it "twenty ______". I've tried for the last two years but I think this is the year that we're finally breaking this century in, meaning I can now freely use the "twenty ______" format without it sounding odd or needlessly complicated, something that Jeremy Paxman never realised. Seriously, "twenty eleven"?

Whatever the case, it's officially 2012.

This is the best thing I've seen all year.